whatever goes around, comes around... tHis cycle.. Im sick of it... Yeh im still spinning helplessly in it.. I want to change its course.. but... Im afraid of that accidental death if it goes terribly wrong... Why change anything at the risk of death when all u need to do is to endure the temperary pain and happiness this ride provides.. Why the risk?
i remember a shelled up life... I once had... Oh.. how i miss the bliss i once had about life... im a fortunate person... I have a roof over my head, enough food to ensure i dont die... Clothe to fend off the cold nights... I should be content.. Yet.. Im not.. possibly driven by my own greed, desire and jealousness (if its an actual word), i want more... And more... And more. In short.. Im selfish and stuck in my own imaginary world...
Maybe i shouldnt bash myself too hard... But by doing so... I mite wake up from my dreams and realise im not as great as how i think of myself...
I honestly dont know what im really saying... Just like i cant even communicate with anyone lately.. there are stuff i wanna say.. But i cant put it into words... When im alone i want pplz to be around.. And when i am with pplz i want nothing to be by myself... It feels like no one understands me as much as i thought they would... Even tho they probably do... everyone has their own issues... So it does make sense...
Feeling so tired lately... Physically even then i didnt do alot.. i sometimes can feel the old me... But now.. Im not so sure... Im afraid of it going back to 3 weeks ago...
Anyways for anyone who reads this blog, 801 and counting, 30 bux if u guess what the number represents, one guess only, end of this is end of the week :) i will be impressed if u get it right tho :P
Over and out
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