its been a while since i wrote something here, i spend yesterday, well the afternoon more like to rethink about simon's bday... If anything, i make a terrible person and worst of all a horrible friend... and its not because she isnt worth the effort... Its just been me, me all along... Im not the worthy enough to do this, too immature... Too stupid and pathetic... More then ever, im dissappointed in myself.. And i dont trust myself... Or know who im anymore. Its all fine to say, u made a mistake and drunk too much... But it wasnt true... I purposely wanted tp fuck up literally my last chance... I regret it now... But nothing can bring that back... Just totally weak...
Funny how barely 1 week ago i was so confident about this... But.. its been life changing times lately... I did some stupid shit which can probably never fix. I am sorry for it but keeping on apologising doesnt fix it, but we both dont know how it's meant to be fixed aye? Maybe time matey, but there is one thing im gonna disagree on.. U aint gonna forget and forgive easily and she is definately not just a girl lol... sigh...maybe time is the medine i need... But right now its also a poison which is consuming me.
its easy to see what i did... But the question is why did i do it, mix it with a strongly dunken mind and alot of desperation... And a hint of anger would explain only abit... But definately not the whole story. Stuff was on my mind and sigh.. I shouldnt have worried about it... not because i shouldnt give a fuck, but im really tacless when it comes to shit like this... And i bottle up alot of it... Only when my guard is down i let it out... And it doesn't make it better in the end...
Days goes by and nite creeps away, new year tics by and im once again blinded... Sigh... i need to take my mind off stuff and freecell isnt cutting it... Either is having no comp,,, sigh..
Thanks for all of the pplz that looked after me when i was super drunk...
On a happier note, i iwsh everyone of you guys happy christmas and hopefully get alot of presents :)
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