perspectives...

I have always wondered if a hero of any story knows their true peril in the face of danger and see it as clear as the audience that is watching their every movement... Now, I am not saying I am a hero, but hell, no matter what you are involved in, I don't think you see it as clearly as others who are around you. The last week... was blinding for me, nothing really went well, everything seemed to have gone wrong, rather horribly. But I guess its how someone deals with it really. You could ignore it, run away from it or embrace it and take it on..., for the entire last week... I picked the running away choice and well, it didn't work well at all.

This week... I don't know if I am exactly embracing it, but I am certainly not running away. Sure, im still doing some stupid shit, like trying to pay for some people's lunch when I am well (not exactly broke) but not in a great position to do such a thing. I don't know really, Monday was an interesting day for me, I think i epically failed the day (on the scale of epic failness, 9/10 :P) and scabbed myself some redemption points that night tho. After all, you can only epic fail one thing a day no?

There are also many things that hit me after sunday (cheers for the talk, Mrs I-am-short-and-I-can-make-Peter-scared-of-me) :P, one of them was gambling.
I havn't gambled for a long while now... almost a month ish? And last night, I realised that the reason why I started gambling and why I continued it... it was completely different...
I went into casino the first time to have some fun and see how well I can play, but... it turned from first time for the lolz, second time to see if I can do it again and after... just pure gambling... I wasn't even thinking much... just chucking money away hoping i can win... Am I saying I'm going to quit from going there ever again? No, not really... but I am taking a long long long long break from it and not turn it into a weekly event. That was just one of the few things I start seeing differently.

There are still alot of stuff to work on... one of them i think i did a good job today, hopefully i can do another tomorrow, which is tbh, my only real inspiration to all this stuff.

P.S. hsc bands comes out in 5 hours... I don't think i will be checking anything until dinner on the 17th tho.

for once.. i sort of look forward to when i wake up :)